In this month, we are dealing with personal responsibility, for which there is a great tool: internalisation, in every possible way. Who are we, what do we do, how do we spend our time, what values do we share, what goals do we want to reach, and anyway, what is our mission on the Earth?
Let me share a few inspiring thoughts about internalisation.
What are the things that are not conscious?
Only a part of our needs, feeling, values, and behaviour is conscious, while a bigger part of them exist on an unconscious level. This results in the fact that we are unable to use these information that we have not acquired about ourselves proactively. Usually, we “react” to situations, in which we either feel comfortable or not. Often, the experience we have negative feelings about make us wonder and bring the awareness of what we like less, feel bad about, or trigger negative feeling – and make us believe we have to change.
Throughout these reactive learning events, the awareness toward ourselves is being formed. The higher level we are on in this process of raising self-awareness, the more likely it is that we will encounter tailored situations in our proactive decisions as well.
In the following, I present two approaches to reveal the feelings and thoughts leading us in an unconscious way.
Mick Cope carries out internalisation on three levels: feelings, thoughts, and behaviour. These areas depend on each other and cannot be separated. As Mihály Csíkszentmihályi writes in his book The Art of Happiness,“…feelings, intentions and thoughts do not work independently in our conscience, but they are in constant connection and affect each other all the time.” [1]
The internalisation of our feelings
It is important to internalise feelings because they influence our behaviour, decisions and performance. Until we are not aware of our feelings and their effects, we cannot affect them. Our decisions are based on feeling and remain instinctive. We can only change it if we get to know our emotions and reactions.
Stephen Neale, Lisa spencer-Arnell and Liz Wilson concludes in their book “Emotional Intelligence Coaching” how our feelings affect our performance. Our brain consists of three parts. The innermost is the so-called reptilian cortex regulates the primary life functions. The limbic system is responsible for emotions, our values and faith. And finally the outmost area is responsible for thinking. Neural pathways transmit messages from the inside into the outer pars, this is why our thoughts and actions are defined by the limbic brain. Because the information coming from the emotional brain are processed unconsciously, it does not internalise what motivates are actions. As a result, our unconscious feelings from habits. By concentration, the thinking brain can also send messages “in the opposite direction” to the limbic brain, so on the one hand, we are able to recognise our emotions, and on the other hand, to change our behaviour by transforming our emotions.
One of the most important tasks of an external character, like a coach or a yoga trainer is to support the patient during his or her emotion-revealing journey, who gets to know feelings and reactions triggered by them. These feelings generate behaviour patterns, and this is how this dimension connects to the other.
Internalising our thoughts
Internalising our thoughts are similarly important because most of them also influence our behaviour, decisions, and performance unconsciously. Mick Cope separates our different thoughts: beliefs, assumptions and inner voice.
- Beliefs determine our words, activities, and the interpretation of others’ speech. Assumptions direct our value judgement and decisions, so that they associate reactions to certain suspected events in advance.
- Cope believes that our inner voice has direct effect on our thoughts, activities, and words. Ha calls internal voice the phenomenon when reactions that have been formerly “programmed” into us are activated by external stimuli.
Stephen Neale, Lisa Spencer-Arnell and Liz Wilson [2] shared a similar approach about our hidden thoughts. They think about our assumptions as attitudes and absolutes as beliefs and convictions. Instead of the autopilot or inner voice they talk about values, which similarly work as inner compasses. They lead back these thoughtsto emotions. According to them, our values, beliefs, and attitude are mainly unconscious. These unconscious things live in our emotional brain. Our performance can be increased if we discover these in ourselves and put them under our control.
Mick Cope puts special attention to identifying our unconscious behavioural patterns. These can be instinctive reactions that are formed due to an effect of something or can be automatic reactions triggered in hope of an external reward. Instinctive reactions can be inborn or evolve during the recognition process. They are strong associations that can initiate automatic behaviour, for example, thirst, pain, or an activity triggered by a scent. These associations are continuously being built in ourselves, unconsciously.
Behaviour patterns triggered in hope of a reward are also continuously evolving, first and foremost by building on our experience; we evaluate what we have done right or wrong all the time, what behaviour patterns are efficient and which should be changed.
The main point is that our behaviour affects our performance.
In conclusion
The biggest part of our everyday “operation” is determined by our unconscious feelings, thoughts, and behaviour, whose directing resources are in the limbic brain. Their effects are built on and strengthen each other. Cope highlights that they initiate inner spirals, which can be positive and negative. It is important to be aware of the fact that a negative feeling leads to negative thoughts and then negative behaviour, which trigger even more negative emotions, and so on. The task of the coach or the assistant is to help understand this circular behaviour and support the client in pushing the STOP button. [3]
Another crucial aspect of awareness and internalisation is that it can only be accomplished by the client. Rogers was the first to use this process in the sake of the patients’ recovery. He believed in humans’ ability of self-regeneration, as the body does while healing a scar. The client was carrying recovery in himself. The therapist could support him or her in bringing the information and memories needed for recovery to the surface. This kind of support revealed itself the best in an understanding, sympathetic environment, where the client could think about himself without any judgment or critique. He found an accepting environment and a chance to think over his past, his feelings and stores without any fear. Ha could put together the pieces. And something else Rogers did was to mirror to the client (without any judgment) what he had said, and demonstrate what feelings and thoughts that the client’s stories raised in him. The client became his own doctor by analysing himself – and in the end, solving himself. The therapist Rogers never tried to give advice to the client, for two reasons. First, because it is the client who knows the full picture. What the therapist can do is to aspire to understand the situation with empathic sympathy: he pays attention to him, sympathise with him with all his energy, and tries to undergo it himself as well, so that later, he can observe and give feedback on what these feelings and thoughts had initiated in him. Secondly, a therapist cannot give any advice because it may appear to be some kind of an evaluation, which takes too much energy from the client, his introspection and understanding himself. It simply disturbs the self-discovery work.
[1] Mihály Csíkszentmihályi: The Art of Happiness; Flow in Everyday Life, Nyitott Könyvműhely, Budapest, 2009
[2] Stephen Neale, Lisa Spencer-Arnell and Liz Wilson: Emotional Intelligence Coaching: Improving Performance for Leaders, Coaches and the Individual, Oktker-Nodus Kiadó Kft., Veszprém, 2009
[3] Mick Cope: The Methodology of Coaching, The Handbook of Cooperative Coaching, Manager Könyvkiadó, Budapest, 2007
